Today is the day before my colonoscopy aka prep day. Today and tomorrow morning I get to perform all these rituals to clean my colon out so the doctor can have a look-see. I have put off having this test for way too long. My family has a strong history of colon cancer at young ages and I have been urged several times by many doctors to have this test. I am feeling very grown up and proud that I am taking the 'preventative measure' path. Better safe than sorry approach. I mean I have a 21 month old son that I have to stick around for. Why wait until something goes wrong until I subject myself to such procedures. lies lies lies. Wait until something is wrong is EXACTLY what I did. Blood in the stool....sporadically for so long I couldn't even recall when it started. dumb-ass.
I don't feel too nervous about drinking the drinks or spending most of the day in the bathroom (I chose to look at that as a crash diet perk) but the no food/drink other than clear fluids has me in a panic. Wish me luck.
8:00am need to drink 1.5oz bottle of phospho soda with 4oz gingerale. the stuff looks harmless enough. I mix my cocktail and curl up on the couch for step 1.
8:10am one sip-AWFUL DISGUSTING VILE TASTING CRAP. How will I ever get thru this glass of evil liquid. I feel like I will gag. I am gagging. 1/2 way thru I pour myself a glass of gingerale as a chaser. I worry if that will screw things up.
8:32 still trying to finish this drink. My stomach is starting to rumple. Perhaps getting Tristan's breakfast is a good idea just in case my schedule fills up with bathroom trips for the next 6 hours. at least the kid will have one good meal until his father comes home.
9:05 I am angry at myself. It is only 5 1/2 oz. what is my problem. Get over it and do it. Just drink it. I am angry at my tastebuds for being sooo darn sensitive. I finally finished that god-for-sakin drink. I am still gagging. I am worried about the small amount I threw down the drain (do you have to finish every last drop to make it work?) I worry that I drank too much gingerale in between sips of that horrid EVIL LIQUID. I worry I took too long to drink it.
10:45 called doctors office to beg for an alternative for the 6pm dose. the nurse/receptionist/bitch said 'sorry, there is no alternative'. I ask if I can dilute the AWFUL DISGUSTING VILE CRAP with more soda and she said 'no. it may screw up the test. sorry'. then she adds gleefully, 'OH HONEY,JUST THINK HOW FLAT YOUR STOMACH WILL BE TOMORROW.' Bitch.
11:30 I am so hungry, so I think making my jello may be a good idea since its the only solid food allowed today and jello takes like 4 hours to set. I double check my diet instructions from the doctor once again to make sure I am not missing anything. Turns out, jello is not on the list. damn. Ginger ale, sprint, 7up, chicken boullioun soup but not jello. damn. Where did I read that I could have jello? Did I dream it? I re-read the instructions 25 times and nope its not on there.
1:05 I can't even look at ginger-ale, my brain will forever link it with the evil liquid. My directions say fruit juice is ok so I down a glass of orange juice. I have a nasty caffeine headache and again thank my son for being such a good boy while I put another episode on of Barney for him or is that wiggles- who gives a shit?
2:30 The doctors office calls to remind me about my appointment tomorrow. I went on a 20 minute tirade about how disgusting this awful stuff is and I really don't think I can do this again at 6pm. boo hoo boo hoo, there is no choice. But I do find out I CAN have jello (I grab my instruction sheet and scan it again-still no jello on the list- why the fuck not! its like the only solid food I am allowed to have and they don't put it on the list!!!!!!.....AND I am NOT suppose to have orange juice- oops! well don't you think the instructions should say fruit juices ok BUT NOT MOTHER LOVIN' ORANGE JUICE...GOD PEOPLE IS IT THAT HARD TO WRITE DOWN INSTRUCTIONS)I still have headache, butt getting sore and my body is begging for some food.
2:55 call husband and whine, tell him to bring me home white grape juice, 7up and sprite.
3:00 I will try to persuade my son that he wants a nice nap with a warm bottle and his favorite blankie.
6:20 plan worked we slept for a 2+ hours but now its past 6pm and its time for the 2nd dose of evil liquid.
9-ish-update: Couldn't finish the drink, took 2 to 3 sips and then my body would allow no more. I tried to swallow and I gagged it right back up. then after what seem to be the worst hour of the day, I proceeded to vomit about 2 gallons of every liquid consumed earlier. Now I panic- So does this cancel the few sips I took before I vomitted. I resign to the fact that there will be no more evil liquid going down my throat. And if the doctor can't do the test tomorrow than fine because if my wussy-ass can't accomplish this how the hell would I dare try to accomplish chemo and fighting cancer. Screw it I am going to bed.
