When we started comtemplating a second child I had wondered (and worried) how the decision will affect Tristan. I know despite the normal ‘stuff’ a toddler goes through when a new baby arrives on the scene, the benefits would far outweigh the negatives.
Sure, there would be some jealousy, some sibling rivalry, some acting out perhaps, but Tristan would be just fine. All would be good.
But then I would wonder, “What about me?” Before the thoughts of another child entered the scene, I always felt there was no way I could possibly love anything more than him. No way, no how. End of story. He rises and sets the sun in my world.
Of course, I would love my next child, but could lightnening strike twice? Convinced am I that Tristan was sooo meant to be my son, could the universe get it right a second time too? Could I be blessed with another child that fits so perfectly in my heart? Really, What were the chances? Would my heart feel torn....now having to divide my attention between two children? Could another child captivate me in the way Tristan has? Anyone I pondered this with assured me they would. But I just couldn’t imagine it. I had to experience it. I knew once I met our new son, it would become clear.
As I suspected, it only took mere moments with Gavin to have my answers: Yes, lightnening DID strike twice! The universe DID get it right a second time! And yes! Gavin does fit so perfectly into my heart and into our family. He is completely perfect and captivated me instantly. Apparently, you do not have to love your first child less to love a second. And I do have the capacity to love two children insanely and recklessly. As a wise friend told me, instead of 'sharing' your heart, you will just grow another one. Why wasn't that clear to me before? Maybe because I am an only child and did not have the life experience of sharing my parents or having siblings. Or maybe I am just silly.
Another amazing surprise. Any worries I had about my first boy feeling slighted were immediately squashed. In our first moments as the family of four, Tristan sat shoulder to shoulder with me peppering Gavin’s forehead with kisses, tickling his belly, gently touching his hands and toes. He doted over him and assisted in his care the best he could. Always listening carefully and trying his hardest to do things just right for him. And just as it should be, I saw the beginnings of an amazing relationship Tristan and Gavin will have.
Ever since we returned home from our visit, Tristan's favorite book, read at least 10 times a day at his request is 'I'm a Big Brother.' I think Tristan misses Gavin just as much as we do. It's an embarrassment of riches, having these two remarkable children in our life.
