Today as I watched you played with your sticker book I realized you are growing up too fast. Up until a few days ago, you couldn't play with your stickers without me. Your little fingers weren't able to peel the stickers. I showed you how to bend the paper so the edge would stick up for you to grab and peel the sticker. Now you are peeling and sticking like a pro.
Everyday you learn something new: a new word, a new skill, a new discovery, a new algebra equasion. Yes you are a brilliant child. Everyday you need me a tiny bit less. You are becoming independent, straying further from my side during our daily routines. You play longer without seeking me out. I am proud of you but still I want you to stay close to me. You make my days rewarding and joyous. You keep me company. You make me laugh so hard my eyes tear. I make you laugh. We talk. We laugh some more. We are silly. You make life worthy. You make my life important. You make me important because I am your mom.
We talked over breakfast how we were going to the gym today and how you get to go to the playroom today. I cheerfully spoke how much fun you had last week with the dinosaurs and the other boys and girls there. You informed me you were going to cry for mommy there. But you still wanted to go. I assured you I will be right in the next room exercising and you will have too much fun to cry for mommy. Then you imitated yourself crying for me 'Mommmmmyyyyyy, Mommmmmyyyy'. Then you laughed.
When we arrived at the gym, you did cry for a few minutes but in no time at all Miss Donna gave me the thumbs up sign thru the glass door to assure me that you were fine and playing. When I moved over to the stairmaster I could see into the playroom but only the tops of everyone's head. I saw your laughing eyes as you ran in circles with the other children. I could of watched you for hours and hours. My beautiful, beautiful boy. When I was ready to leave, you didn't want to leave. You were having too much fun. You were sweaty and red faced and happy. I never want to forget your little face at that moment. I smothered you with kisses. You wanted to show me how you were sitting at the little picnic table with the other kids but there was a little girl sitting there and she shoved you away. Mommy wanted to throw that little brat against the wall and pull her hair, how dare she push you! But Mommy need not go to jail, so I stopped myself.
I ask every day what I did to deserve you. How did I get blessed with the privilege of being your mom. Its a comfort to me knowing that whatever happens in the world that fact will never ever change. No matter how old I get, or how old you get, or how far you move away, or how many children you have, no matter how mad you get at me- I will always be your mother. or your mom. or your mommy.
I wonder how can I love you so intensely and not burst into flames?
